I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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