im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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