btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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