I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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