I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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