so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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