i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
