U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
