His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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