How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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