And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
