you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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