try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
