Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
