god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
