I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
