Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
