I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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