There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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