i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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