too bad you live with your parents still
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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