i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
