i was born a porn star she said
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you inspire me to be a worse person
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
