I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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