Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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