he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
