Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pooping to opera.
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