There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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