i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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