I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
