I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
