if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
