I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
