So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
