he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's the barista slut.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
