Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
