I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
