Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
