he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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