Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think your dad took our porno
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
