im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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