when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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