She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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