I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
