Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
