in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
