Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Can Purell be used as lube?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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