Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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