just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
