at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
