you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
