if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
