i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
