I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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