I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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