it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
