i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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