Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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