New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
