I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
