My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think my moral compass just broke
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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