im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
pray to the hookup gods
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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