it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
